i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
