My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
