Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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