the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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