It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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