just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
