yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize