just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
