her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think my moral compass just broke
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
