OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you inspire me to be a worse person
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
