I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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