I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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