At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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