We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
