Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
