my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
