is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
