winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize