Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
