I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize