Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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