You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
