Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
