I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
