the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish you could order shots online.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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