I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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