we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
