There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
