if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize