I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
