I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
