the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.