Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies