Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.