I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.