My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed