On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
