My hand turned me down
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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