shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
