My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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