This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
