the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
