guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
