i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
