so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Found your dick twin last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
