Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
