I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize