I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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