You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
