peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
there is puke in my bra ... again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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