Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
