My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
