everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize