he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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