I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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