Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
