Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
