is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
