dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
