I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am puke
I didn't shave. On purpose
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
