I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
