Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
