My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
