When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
