So drunk its hurt
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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