my phone needs a breathalizer
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
