I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
