Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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