You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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