we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
