OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love having hate sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
