I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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