would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
