The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
