yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
