umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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